


Something something stank. Yeah, I know how to title.

by Glaycier



Category: Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Human!Nomicon, I am looking at the tags that are suggested when I type and I am very concerned for humanity, I had to make a few things up, I havent written a fanfic as long as this in five years so this will be a thing I guess, I probably wont add as much bathroom humour because writing it makes me uncomfy, Not Beta Read, Not too different, Rated Mature for the cursing and stuff, Stanked!Randy, They do curse a little since they are in highschool, We Die Like Men, crack taken kind of seriously, minor ocs with no purpose other than being background characters., the author is bad at writing dialogue I am sorry, will contain spoilers for episodes 40 and beyond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:40:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23354812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glaycier/pseuds/Glaycier
Summary: Randy gets stanked after a prank by Howard goes too far. Nomicon knows Howard hates them, and seeing as Howard is the source of the problem, Nomicon makes it their own job to find someone to help. Debbie was out of the question, and the only other person Randy had a decent relationship with was Theresa, so it is up to her to unstank Randy.
Relationships: Randy Cunningham/Theresa Fowler
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hooooo boy, this is gonna be a garbage fire because I already hate the first chapter, yet here I am, publishing it anyways. Hahah.

There was about two minutes before the bell rang, and Randy found himself face to face with the unknown. The sink in the boys bathroom. The white porcelain, or what was supposed to look like porcelain, was grimy, dirty, unlike a washing station should be, however, one of Randy’s pens had exploded all over his hands due to… Definitly something not stupid. It’s not like he wanted to get Howard back for drawing on his face last time he was shloomped into the Nomicon, so he totally didn't try to make the pen explode in his bffer’s hands.

Holding his breath, the teen reached out to touch the faucet handle. Something that definitely was not water oozed out, slowly, thick, with a weird shlorp sound. The substance, if it could even be classified as that, oozed out a dark brown, almost black, with the consistency of an overly thick molasses. It looked like one of those unpoppable bubbles you’d get as a kid. The type you’d blow with a straw, and if you inhaled the fumes, you’d probably get high or something, and something was pushing against the bubble, keeping it from inflating normally, so it had to expand outward rather than evenly.

“Shnasty-” Randy gagged. 

The bubble had a distinct odor to it, like swamp gas and farts. It was foul to say the least, and it made Randy’s eyes water. Then it burst, like a bomb,a mixture of water and the brown sludge, and it sent whatever that was, spraying out in all directions. Randy shut off the water as fast as he could, but the damage had been done. He was covered in water, and smelled like whatever the hell it was that came before the water. 

“What the juice? Duct tape?” Randy muttered to himself, peeling off the thin slice of duct tape. 

The duct tape must have redirected the water or mess with the pressure, or something. That’s when the bell rang and the bathroom door opened. 

“Who in the world would steal all of the bread. Like seriously, an entire kitchens worth- Woah.” Sundown was cut off as he saw the mess before him.

“It’s not what it looks like-” Randy started.

The bathroom area around him was covered in the brown liquid before. Before Sundown could even get another word out, Randy bolted and made his way into his next block class, lockers and posters flying by him in a blue-white blur. This should be his last class anyways, so in theory, if he just stayed far away from people, no one should notice, right?

“Cunningham, where were you?” Howard hissed when he saw his friend enter the classroom. 

The class was currently working on group work, so kids had free reign of the classroom. Hensletter was trying to impress Flute Girl by going in depth about the current subject, however, Flute girl could not seem less interested even if she tried. Julian was brooding in a corner doing his work alone, and Doug had managed to get both of his hands stuck in his book bag, with the bag zipped closed. There were a few other groups also doing their own thing, mainly gossiping, not working.

“And what’s that smell?”

“S-smell? What smell? I don’t smell anything.” The taller coughed, eyes darting around the room, desperately looking for a change of subject, especially since Howard was approaching him.

“Yeah, something does smell.” Hensletter commented, heading towards the other two with Flute Girl in tow since she did not want to be left alone with doug.

“It’s nothing- probably nothing, maybe just body odor- did someone forget to put on deodorant? I put on deodorant this morning, Howard, quick, smell my-” Randy’s face was met with the heel of Howard’s palm. 

“One, ew. I am not smelling your armpit, and two, you smell like the shnastiest fart.”

“Some shoob put tape over the faucet and there was this brown sludge that exploded out of it.”

“Oh, that was me, but what I put in it is not supposed to-” Howard was cut off.

“So it was you.” Randy growled, pointing an ink covered finger at the much shorter ginger.

“So? It was a harmless prank. I’m not the one who wet myself.” Howard scrunched up his nose.

“Now could you move a little bit that way? I think my nose hairs are burning.” Howard pointed towards the wall opposite of himself.

“And don’t make me push you, because I do not want to touch that.” Howard added with emphasis on the last word.

“But I didn’t-”

That’s when the whispers started, then pointing, and laughing, and- 

Randy ran out of the classroom. He needed a second to breathe, a second to think, a moment to figure out where he was, leaving his bag behind in the process. The room began to spin and the edges of his vision were tinted green. His nostrils were filled with the scent of decaying flesh and toe sweat before he blacked out.


	2. Hahah chapter titles are hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contrary to last chapter, this one has less dialogue, which is good, because I suck at writing dialogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment your feed back. I am starting to get back into the swing of things. Last chapter was written when I had absolutely no sleep, so hopefully this one is better.

[Stanked Randy](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/663913246297686017/693969346036236328/StankedRandy.png) (Someone tell me if this link works please)

Howard shrugged it off. Cunningham would get over it. He always did. Besides, it’ll be fine when he tells Cunningham he got the newest grave puncher game. Grave Puncher: These graves are unbreakable. It was going to be the cheese, and Randy would forgive him. He kicked back in his chair and took out his phone, scrolling through emails and checking social media.

A shriek broke through the calm chatter of kids working on paper, or rather, not working and just gossiping, which made every head snap in the direction of the sound. Theresa Fowler came bursting through the door with a monster hot on her tail. A snake about the length of two cars, and half the width of the doorway in girth slithers through the door, jaw unhinged. The snake let out a deafening hiss as it flared its hood, the red pattern lighting up, creating a heavy contrast against the obsidian coloured scales. The tip of the snake’s fangs gleaming under the fluorescent light of the school, and it’s forked tongue was moving in all directions, flickering in and out searching for a target, each tip fading from a purple to the same unnatural red.

The tongue pointed directly at Howard, and the monster assumed a strike pose, winding its body up for an attack. The keeled scales puffing up slightly, and the way the tail moved was almost hypnotizing. Then it sprung forward, lunging with its entire body towards Howard. People began to run from the building, crying out for the ninja. Howard had barely managed to dodge the attack. The reptilian creature hissed louder as it had gotten its fangs stuck in the ground. That’s when everyone else took it as a sign to flee the scene.

-

It was pandemonium, kids running out of every possible exit, cars screeching to exit the parking lot, and other kids just making a break for it as far as they could from school grounds.

It was around 5pm that night when Theresa realised that in her fear, she had left the instructions for her new twirl routine back in the gym. The snake seemed oddly familiar too in a way, which only made her want to investigate more, but her mom wouldn’t let her go back. That’s why she was now sneaking out of the house at 8pm, when it was perfectly dark out. If the ninja didn’t take care of the monster tomorrow, there was no telling when she’d be able to get back to the school. She would get in and then out, no lingering. As skilled as she was with her batons, she did not have any confidence in her ability to defend herself in the face of a monster since it was a monster, and it was a big monster at that.

She paused for a moment when she arrived at the school. There was a huge hole in the wall of the foreign language classroom. If she entered there, she could get in without making a sound, but then she would have to make her way to the other end of the school. She decided to take a brief survey around and found an open window to the English room. That was closer, but it was also the room the monster was in when she had fled. The longer way might be safer she concluded, however, before she could turn and head back, Theresa saw a red light under one of the desks.

Curiosity killed the cat, and in this case, the light was curiosity, and Theresa was the cat. Slowly, she approached the building, her steps light. Every hair on her body seemed to stand up, and every noise was suddenly ten times louder. She felt like she could see better, despite it being terribly dark outside, and she could pick up on different smells. Adrenaline coursed through her body, and she could practically feel the blood pumping through her veins as she neared the school.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw something scurry on the edge of her vision. The soft tapping of tiny claws against tile had never sounded so loud before. No. This was just her high school. It’s not like the place was suddenly full of concentrated evil at night. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Theresa pushed forward and climbed through the window. Once in the classroom she surveyed the damage. There were desks that had been torn in half, and the wall where the entrance to the classroom had once been was no longer existent.

Silently, she crawled over to the light which came from an all too familiar book bag. Was this Randy’s? She picked it up. Whatever it was, it looked important, and probably should not be left in the middle of a school. She’d return this to Randy at some point. That’s when it hit her.

“No way.” She squeaked, taking a second look at the book.

Screw the new twirl routine. She could email her teacher to ask for a new copy. If this belonged to who she thought it did, then they were in more danger than she had initially thought. She decided against the slower quieter exit and instead b-lined for the window. She seemed to have made the right choice too as just as she was out of sight, she saw the snake’s yellow eye through the window. Her chest felt like it was about to explode, like she had been hit by a wall of bricks. This was an interesting turn of events, and she wasn’t exactly sure if she liked it.


	3. I updated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of dialogue so I hardcore procrastinated writing this and posting this because dialogue is hard.

The rest of the night was a blur. She remembered being yelled at by her mom who was waiting outside for her to come back home, being scolded since she could have gotten hurt, and that if she wasn’t so happy Theresa was okay, she would have grounded her. She was exhausted, the adrenaline having stopped a while ago. As soon as she entered her room, she dropped Randy’s bag and collapsed into her bed, not even bothering to pull the covers over herself before promptly passing out.

-

Sunlight streamed through the window leaving tiny patches of light on the hardwood floor. Theresa let out a groan as she woke up, stretching. Her joints popped and her neck was sore as she had fallen asleep in an awkward position. She whined as one of the beams of light landed in her eye when she had moved and immediately turned her back to it, mumbling something about the stupid sun. 

She had grown cold since she hadn’t been under the covers, so she pulled the fuzzy comforter over her figure and curled up into a ball in an attempt to warm up a bit before getting ready to practice that new twirl routine for Monday. If only it weren’t for that monster, she would have had the first part memori- and that’s when yesterday’s events hit her like a wall of bricks. Randy was a giant snake, her new twirl routine was left in the gym, and the giant snake also just so happened to quite possibly be the ninja. 

Now that she thought about it, it did make sense, back at the time in that club, Randy disappeared and the ninja showed up, and how Randy had been trying to get away from everyone… They also had similar builds, and the same cheesy personality, but she refused to believe it. The ninja was centuries old, not just a freshman. 

“I’m not gonna be able to practice that new routine this weekend, aren’t I.” She sighed, trying to focus on the one familiar-ish thing to keep the room from spinning. 

“I think that is the least of our concerns right now.” A voice came from behind her.

Theresa shot up into a sitting position, hitting her head on the wall as she did so. She hadn’t expected anyone to be in her room, especially this early, plus she didn’t even recognize the voice. Grimacing, she opened her eyes and was greeted by a female, or a male, much taller than herself, sporting a black cloak with bright red patterning on it, hair that seemed to be salmon coloured, and a deadpan expression. Their skin was tan, like papyrus paper. 

“Why are you in my room?” The teen asked, clutching the sheets in her hands. They were the only thing grounding her to reality as most of what she had thought was real had been shattered, like the fact she thought Randy was fourteen rather than centuries old.

“You brought me here.” The person gestured to the bag, and then the room. As they did so, the cloak had shifted to reveal a black undershirt and faded jeans. 

“Brought?” Theresa only remembered bringing home a book, and she’d be insane to think that the person standing before her was a book just a few hours ago. 

“You must be wary of what you bring home as not everything is what it is at first glance.” The person replied, picking up Randy’s bag. They held it upside down and shook it, further proving what Theresa was trying to deny before.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not quite sure how this is possible.” Theresa shook her head, still trying to find logic. She was dreaming, yeah. 

“People turn into monsters in your school, do they not?” They asked as they raised an eyebrow.

“I guess, but-” 

“Hush.” The other sighed, cutting Theresa off by pressing a finger up against her lips. 

“I was going to come looking for you anyways. You are someone Randy holds dear. Someone he trusts, therefore I trust you will be helpful.” 

“But he talked to Howard more than me, wouldn’t he be the better choice?” Theresa asked, wondering why she, of all people, would be the best choice for something like this.

“I have been around him before. He is not exactly… Fond of my presence.” They sighed, averting eye contact as they remembered something.

“Fond?” The younger asked, raising an eyebrow as she cocked her head to the side.

“He once threatened to shove me down his pants. That is an experience I wish not to repeat.” The other deadpanned.

-

“So, Randy is the ninja, you’re the personification of an ancient book of ninja knowledge, a new ninja is chosen every four years, and I can’t tell anyone.” Theresa repeated back, trying to make sure she got it all right. The explanation was long, and kind of wordy. “And you’re telling me this because you want me to go back to the school and turn Randy back into a human.” 

“That is correct.” The Nomicon replied.

“Will I get to remember this?” She asked, remembering something about mind wiping. It was still far too early in the morning to be getting such heavy news.

“That is something to decide later.” They replied.

There was a brief moment of silence before footsteps could be heard overhead. They were muffled by the floor and carpet, but undeniably there. Theresa needed to hide them before her parents saw. She did not want to make up a lie about this person, and she couldn’t exactly tell the truth either.

Her eyes darted around the room, looking for a place for the Nomicon to hide. Her eyes fell on a cabinet beneath the kitchen counter.

“Quick, hide in here before my parents see.” Theresa whispered, pointing at the cabinet door a few feet away from where they sat at the kitchen table.

Following her instructions, the Nomicon ducked into the cabinet and managed to fit after moving a few baking sheets around. The door shut just in time as Theresa’s parents had made their way into the kitchen to make their morning meal.

“Good morning sweetheart.” Theresa’s father smiled, walking up to her and ruffling her hair a bit. 

“Hey dad.” Theresa replied, trying her best not to look at the cabinet.

“Is there anything you’d like for breakfast?” Her mother asked, making her way to the coffee machine.

Theresa hummed in thought as she listened to the familiar low hum of the keurig turn on and heat up the water. “Uh, I’m not really hungry right now. I just ate.” She replied, hoping that her parents wouldn’t make a whole ordeal out of the meal and hang out in the kitchen for too long. She hated to think about how cramped that cabinet was for someone as tall as The Nomicon. 

“Well, if you ever do feel hungry, last night’s leftovers are in the fridge.” Her mother replied, smiling warmly. The bitter scent of coffee filled the room as the coffee machine started to brew. It filled the what would have been awkward silence and gave Theresa something else to think about.

“Thanks mom.” Theresa sighed, resting her chin on the table, and using her arms as a pillow. She was indeed still tired, and after this morning’s shock, she could really use another quick nap.

There was another pause, this time more comfortable as her mother looked around in the fridge for something. Her parents settled on a breakfast sandwich, which smelled amazing, but Theresa was going to stand by her earlier statement of not being hungry.

“Oh, I don’t remember owning a book like this, do you dear?” Her mother asked, making Theresa come back to reality from her brief nap.

“Oh! That’s mine. It’s full of old twirl techniques. I, uh, checked it out from the school library. I must have, uh, left it in there when I was looking for something to eat before I went out to practice.” She said, lying of course. 

The teen moved swiftly over to her mother with an awkward smile on her face. “I should probably go back out and practice some more.” She said a bit too quickly as she snatched the book from her mother’s hands and bolted out of the door.

-

Once outside, the teen took in a deep breath, shutting her eyes for a moment as she re-centered herself. There was a soft chirping as the birds sang in the early morning sun. The yard seemed to be painted almost gold as the sun was still rising. It was just 7 am after all. It was early, too early. She looked up at the sky, the golden yellow fading into a cerulean, with thin wisps of stratus clouds painted against the backdrop. The leaves had just begun to change from that emerald to a more golden-green mix, making the whole outside look softer and warmer as it replaced the bright excitement of summer. 

She wondered exactly how to ask The Nomicon a question without looking as if she had gone crazy, so she hid behind a tree and opened it, hoping the book would have some kind of writing in it. She hoped this wasn’t like violating since it was a book and all. When she did, she was surprised to see the text had doodles all over it, kind of like the ones she saw Randy leave behind on homework or half done essays. Not like she stole them, but she thought they were kind of cute.

Then, as if the air had been punched from her lungs, she gasped for a breath as she felt herself leave her body, the world around her going white, only to fade to a similar colour of the old pages. The landscape around her seemed like that of an old Japanese painting with how the brush strokes were simple, yet precise, and the water colour feeling to it all. She assumed she was inside of the book, and as surprising as that was, it seemed normal now, almost expected after everything else she had experienced in the past twelve or so hours.

She appeared to be in an empty room full of symbols she could never hope to decipher. The room shook, knocking her to the ground as cartoon puffs of smoke parted to reveal a monster, a mix between a dragon and a kimono dancer, the fans were a neon green, which was an odd choice of colouring in her opinion, but she couldn't really criticize what she didn’t understand. She looked for a place to hide, but seeing as the room was empty, she felt small and exposed. 

Out of a puff of smoke came a cartoon ninja, one that seemed to match the style of doodles she had seen drawn on the pages. She watched as the cartoon ninja slashed through the green fans, smoke evaporating from them as the monster shrunk and returned to being human. Text appeared across the floor. 

**_Evil funk possesses the vulnerable using that which they hold most dear._ **

A red arrow was drawn from the word vulnerable to the human, and a blue circle appeared around the fan. 

“So, I have to de-stank him, but what does he hold most de-” Theresa was cut off as a hole opened beneath her and she was sucked out of the book.

She found herself lying face down in the flower bed. She groaned, wiping the dirt from her face. 

“It’s in my hair.” She whined, pouting slightly, trying to get most of the soil out by combing her hair with her fingers, but all she did was succeed in working the particles deeper into the strands. She’d definitely have to shower later. 

She decided to stay outside a bit longer to fit in some twirl basics since she was going to do that this morning anyways. It would give her a better excuse to shower if anyone happened to ask, even though she’d highly doubt anyone would ask. She was just over thinking things now. 

-

It was 10 am now as she exited the shower, a fluffy pink robe wrapped around her frame as she made her way into her room. She jumped, not expecting the book to have turned into a human again. 

“Uhh, could you…”She trailed trying to find a way to ask politely. “Not look?” She asked.

The Nomicon nodded, making their way into the bathroom while Theresa changed.

She wore a hoodie with her favourite band’s logo on it, and under it was a navy blue shirt that she got from the last location of one of her twirl competitions, with her team’s logo printed in white, she had faded blue jeans and a pair of short white socks. It wasn’t much, but it’s not like she was dressing to impress. 

“Randy.” The Nomicon said out of the blue.

“Randy...” Theresa repeated, trying to figure out what The Nomicon was trying to get at.

“Are all of his friends like this?” The Nomicon muttered, rubbing their temples. “No matter. I was with Randy when it happened, but I do not know exactly how it happened. It seems that his friend, uh, Howard, could be a lead. I believe he would tell you more than I.” The Nomicon said. As down to earth as they were, they did not exactly want to admit they didn’t know where the male lived given the amount of times Randy had gone over to the other’s home. 

So, it was found out that Theresa, too, did not know where Howard lived, so after a quick look in the address book, the two set off to find Howard and hopefully piece together what the hell made Randy so upset.


End file.
